Dear Susan, I tried to answer your private message privately but for some reason, the program wouldn't work. Anyway, you are very right - Warren and I need to talk about lots of things, not just the funeral.
Warren and I have talked about a lot of stuff like you mention but there are a few things I have yet to learn - like running the sprinkler system, the compressor and even the TV remote. Fortunately, Warren mostly was involved in handling the business and investments and I pretty much handled the household stuff including all the shopping, banking and bill paying. I also have had to do Warren's designated chores from time to time so I can do most of those, too, with no problem.
The businesses are closing and I'm hiring help with that. It is too stressful for Warren to be involved.
Warren was very good with investments but found out it was just too much for him to handle along with our thriving businesses so he handed that off to a trusted friend, Frank, who is now our professional financial planner. Frank is a top notch guy who loves us both and is making sure I am taken care of.
Warren's x-law partner, Dale, also loves us both and has helped me handle all the red tape involved in SS and insurance issues. Dale's wife, Celeste, helps me with a lot of household stuff.
Being an attorney, Warren has all our legal affairs in order including trusts for us.
In short, I have been extremely fortunate to have so many supportive people in my life. So all in all, I feel that I will be okay on my own as far as logistics go, but my heart? Now that is another matter!
Unfortunately, Warren doesn't want to talk about the funeral so I have made steps to plan that, too. Basically, we know we will both be cremated and sprinkled in our church courtyard memorial garden. Beyond that Warren doesn't want to discuss anything. I need to work him up to it before our minister gets back into town. Reverend Dale gave us that as a "homework assignment" while he is on his two week vacation. It looks like Warren will hold on at least till Dale gets back. I hope for that and beyond.
Thanks for all your continued support. I know you understand because you and I have a lot in common. I cared for both my husband's parents in a lot of ways and also my mother who had Alzheimer's for twenty very long years (I know why they call it "the long goodbye"!) We were out of town with the grandkids at Disney World when Mom went into her final sleep - she waited until we returned to die so I would be there with Dad to comfort him. We arrived home at 5:30am and went to bed after driving straight through - a little voice pushed us all the way from Florida. My mother's estimated time of death was 6am!
Dad lives with me now and at 95 years old he slips more every day. His body is still going strong, but he feels pretty "dumb in the head" as he calls it.
You and I are definitely nurses in action, Susan. I don't have an official degree, but I feel as if I've learned the trade in the "school of hard knocks". My brother and my sister both have Alzheimer's now, too, and I try to support their families from a distance as they care for their parents. It has been a tough few years BUT I'm tougher for it and God is on my side, too. I live by the saying, "Don't tell God how big your storm is, Tell the storm how big your God is!