Abusive Families

My dad believed in the "old school" spanking, but he did his spanking with a leather belt. With age, he has mellowed and I'm not afraid of him any more.

I was also touched inappropriately at a very young age by an uncle who was 5 years older than I. Funny how you push memories deep in your mind and never talk about "the incident". He lives in California, but we see him often and we both act like normal family members. I often wondered if he molested my girl cousins. I think there are lots of skeletons in my family closet.:neutral:
 
Actually my grand parents wouldn't hesitate to spank and I never had a problem with it with my kids. I sure don't consider them anything but loving parents. Now this doesn't mean beat the hell out of one kids but I see nothing wrong with a slap on the ass for young kids or a slap on the hand when a child touches something he/she shouldn't. With that said as they get older it shouldn't be required as by the time they are 7 or 8 they should already have a pretty good idea of the boundaries. In all honesty I don't think I spanked any of my kids but about once in their lives and my wife only got on my daughter once. It wasn't needed as I would just have to look at them and they settled down when they started getting out of line. In many ways I think that is why the kids today are so badly behaved in many ways as well as no responsibility. I learned if you screw up it will hurt the same as laws, screw up and pay the price. Respect is just another word for fear in my opinion.

With that said my father only hit me once in my whole life, probably due to the fact he was never around me until I was almost grown. The one time he did I was 15 years old and he caught me skipping school, but he used his belt for about 3 lashes across the ass, not a beating by any stretch. My mother on the other hand would pick up a frying pan, butcher knife, base ball bat or what ever was in reach and go after me for something as simple as looking in her direction at the wrong time or a simple laugh and making too much noise. Now she gave me beating which is a lot different than a spanking if you understand my drift here.

Now take in mind a side from an absent father, I had an evil mother with no love for me in her heart at all. I can't remember a single gift, card or hug at anytime in my life from her. I did have very loving grandparents so it helped me through spending 3 years of you youth in the hospital with my face crushed to surviving the rest of my childhood. Due to this I've been able to survive the death of a 31 year old daughter and taking in her 3 children. Life is what you make it as in my opinion you are dealt a hand and it is your choice to play it out or fold. I choose to play what I'm dealt and not feel sorry for myself regardless of what happens. I simply smile and bare it then move on. I've just learned to enjoy the good things in my life as it won't last forever.
 
I have lost too many friends to suicide. I just pray that they are out of pain and have found peace.

And J.T., mine was a loving dysfunctional family. My father was a second generation American but my mother was a first. The early part of the 20th century was hard for many immigrants and I think that is what shaped my mother's life.
 
My mom rarely spanked my brother, but it seemed like she was always spanking me, my dad rarely spanked me, but spanked my brother on several occasions. It always made me feel like daddy loved me more than mama did. But I know that's not the case.

On the subject of suicide....It not only screws up those left behind if a person succeds, it also screws everyone up if they don't. I know this first hand because I tried to od on pain killers almost a year & a half ago. It breaks my heart now to know how many people I hurt & to see them watching me like I'm going to go off the deep end any second.

Now to keep this somewhat on topic. I posted earlier that I was in an abusive relationship in my early teens. I did not go to therapy for any of that. The few people who know the whole story have all asked me the basicly same question..."How could a person go through that, still be normal & function day to day?" I don't have an answer. I guess it's because I have accepted the fact that I can't change what happened, but I can make sure that it never happens to my daughter by always being here for her to talk to no matter what. I also had to tell them that I'm not normal & some days I do find it hard to function. I just have to take it one day at a time & realize that for some reason I've made it this far.
 
rickismom said:
I think dysfunctional has become "normal". Has anyone ever really known a "perfect" family?
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Ozzie & Harriet? Ward & June always got along famously, and they had all the right answers for Wally & the Beav. Wisdom way beyond their years. That was then and this is now. Most of today's TV families live on Wisteria Lane. :yum:
 
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