(Rodney Dangerfield)
Now, I tell you I'm all right now, but last week I was in rough shape you know;; I told my wife we need a home improvement loan... She gave ma a thousand dollars to move out!
I called her up the other day ; I said , "Honey, I've been figuring out the last time we had sex, I'm getting excited ": She said, "who is this ?"
I tell ya, that wife she drives me nuts ! She was afraid of the dark, then she saw me naked... now she's afraid of the light !
Actually, I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife... You see, she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive ; it's called a refrigerator !
My wife, she can't cook either . At my house, we pray AFTER we eat !
I bought her a pressure cooker; now we eat off the ceiling !
What a lousy cook ! I don't think meat loaf's supposed to glow in the dark.