Keltin
New member
-----------------The Dinner
In a cute little Leave It To beaver type of household, the charming wife asked the dashing husband to bring home a ham for dinner. He happily agreed.
On his way home from work that night, he stopped at the market and asked the butcher for one of his best hams.
The butcher replied, “You ought to try this Dam Ham”.
The husband was shocked and asked the butcher to please refrain from using such language.
“No, no, you don’t understand”, replied the Butcher, “that is the brand name of the Ham. See, it’s right here on the package..... D--A--M”.
“Oh”, replied the Husband, “in that case, I’ll take it since you say it is the best”.
When the Husband gets home, the wife asks what he got at the market.
“I got this Dam Ham”, he said proudly.
The wife nearly fainted and scolded her husband for using such language.
“No, no”, replied the husband, “That is the brand name of the ham. See, it’s right here on the package....D--A--M”.
The wife was relieved and took the ham to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.
Later that night, the husband, wife, and their 10 year old son gathered around the table. After saying grace, it was time to dig in.
The Husband looked to his son and said, “Please pass the Dam Ham”.
The son was taken aback a bit, but then smiled broadly and said, “That’s the spirit Pop, now pass the F***ing potatoes!”.
-----------------Grownup Breakfast
A brother and sister sat around talking at bed time. The brother, being 7 years old, decided he was old enough to be grownup and should start displaying it. The sister, being 6, decided she too was old enough to be grownup.
“So how do we show we are grownup”, asked the sister.
“Well, I figure the best way is to use a swear word. So tomorrow at breakfast, I’ll use the word Damn”, said the brother.
“Ok”, said the sister, “I’ll use the word Ass”.
They both chuckled and agreed on their plan. They immediately set off to bed, each terribly excited about finally being grownup the next day.
At breakfast the following morning, the two children sat at the table as their mother got things ready. After a short time, the mother finally asked the children what they would like to eat that morning.
The brother cleared his throat and boldly said, “Give me some of those Damn Pop-Tarts”.
In the blink of an eye the Mother tore into the brother, knocking him from his chair and giving him a right proper spanking. With punishment administered, she placed the brother back in his seat, and then turned to the sister. With a menacing glare in her eye, and her hair disheveled, she asked, “And what would YOU like for breakfast missy.”
The sister, after seeing what happened to her brother for ordering the Pop-Tarts, hesitated a moment and then quickly said, “You can bet your sweet ass I don’t want none of those damn Pop-Tarts!!!”.
In a cute little Leave It To beaver type of household, the charming wife asked the dashing husband to bring home a ham for dinner. He happily agreed.
On his way home from work that night, he stopped at the market and asked the butcher for one of his best hams.
The butcher replied, “You ought to try this Dam Ham”.
The husband was shocked and asked the butcher to please refrain from using such language.
“No, no, you don’t understand”, replied the Butcher, “that is the brand name of the Ham. See, it’s right here on the package..... D--A--M”.
“Oh”, replied the Husband, “in that case, I’ll take it since you say it is the best”.
When the Husband gets home, the wife asks what he got at the market.
“I got this Dam Ham”, he said proudly.
The wife nearly fainted and scolded her husband for using such language.
“No, no”, replied the husband, “That is the brand name of the ham. See, it’s right here on the package....D--A--M”.
The wife was relieved and took the ham to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.
Later that night, the husband, wife, and their 10 year old son gathered around the table. After saying grace, it was time to dig in.
The Husband looked to his son and said, “Please pass the Dam Ham”.
The son was taken aback a bit, but then smiled broadly and said, “That’s the spirit Pop, now pass the F***ing potatoes!”.
-----------------Grownup Breakfast
A brother and sister sat around talking at bed time. The brother, being 7 years old, decided he was old enough to be grownup and should start displaying it. The sister, being 6, decided she too was old enough to be grownup.
“So how do we show we are grownup”, asked the sister.
“Well, I figure the best way is to use a swear word. So tomorrow at breakfast, I’ll use the word Damn”, said the brother.
“Ok”, said the sister, “I’ll use the word Ass”.
They both chuckled and agreed on their plan. They immediately set off to bed, each terribly excited about finally being grownup the next day.
At breakfast the following morning, the two children sat at the table as their mother got things ready. After a short time, the mother finally asked the children what they would like to eat that morning.
The brother cleared his throat and boldly said, “Give me some of those Damn Pop-Tarts”.
In the blink of an eye the Mother tore into the brother, knocking him from his chair and giving him a right proper spanking. With punishment administered, she placed the brother back in his seat, and then turned to the sister. With a menacing glare in her eye, and her hair disheveled, she asked, “And what would YOU like for breakfast missy.”
The sister, after seeing what happened to her brother for ordering the Pop-Tarts, hesitated a moment and then quickly said, “You can bet your sweet ass I don’t want none of those damn Pop-Tarts!!!”.
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