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Sass Muffin

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I just sent him an email via downloading the vCard and he answered me promptly.
Thank you Keltin.
I know.. and don't worry about any of that stuff.
I do feel guilty myself about doubting you and things that happened in the past.
Your words touched me deeply, and yes.. there IS no loss like losing a spouse.
YOU WILL FEEL BETTER, trust me!
HUGS!
Loralei
 

Leni

New member
There really is one that is worse than losing your life partner and that is your child. What the the two of you created together. What's even worse is when they are still here but severly damaged.

Keltin this is not to take away from your loss which is profound. I can't imagine being without the love of my life. We will have been maried for 46 years as of 9-11.

Hold onto your friends and your family. That is what will help you through this most difficult time of your life.
 

Sass Muffin

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Chris and I have arranged a phone call for later this afternoon.
He really needs to talk to someone who has been through the same.
It's going to be my pleasure to speak with him and offer whatever I can in a way of love and support.
 

goatherder

New member
Sass, I would like to highly reccommend to Chris that he seek out a hospice based grief support group. Or any grief support group. This type of group has developed greatly in the last five years. There are lots of good books too. I am currently reading Getting to the other side of Grief. This stuff is not for the light hearted. Chris will need many friends to help him get through this process of grief. Thank you for helping him and give him our hugs and love.
 

Sass Muffin

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I'll do that GH when I talk to him next.
He told me he'd be out and about today with his step-daughter, taking care of some final things.
I've tried calling him twice today at different times.
I think he may be finally getting some sleep, so I dare not call again until later on this evening, or when I hear from him.
From the lengthy conversation we had last night, I think he's going to handle this just fine.:heart::thumb:
 

Sass Muffin

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Good job Sass!!!!!! :thumb:
He did get some much needed sleep (now you just need to eat something Keltin!)
Good to talk to him, VERY good to talk to him.
In an hour we covered a lot of shared feelings, some tears and even some laughter.
Yup, he's gonna be fine.
Because he has to be... and he will be.
 

Keltin

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Thank you every one for your thoughts, kind words, and prayers. They mean more to me than you’ll ever know. There has never been a better group of people than you guys here, and I love you all.

Thank you.

Here is a picture of Lisa taken a few years ago when we went to Florida to visit my Mom. I’m having this picture cropped and cast in porcelain and placed on her niche.

A niche is the granite tablet of the cremation vault where the Urn is held. Like me, she too wanted to be cremated. Her final resting place will be Valhalla Cemetery here in Huntsville. It’s a beautiful and peaceful place.

Thank you all!
 

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Keltin

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He did get some much needed sleep (now you just need to eat something Keltin!)
Good to talk to him, VERY good to talk to him.
In an hour we covered a lot of shared feelings, some tears and even some laughter.
Yup, he's gonna be fine.
Because he has to be... and he will be.

Thank you Sass! For everything! I wish I had the words. You are a blessing and a wonderful friend. Thank you.
 

Mama

Queen of Cornbread
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That's a beautiful picture Chris and it sounds like that is a wonderful place.
 

Keltin

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Ok.

This has been bugging me.

I’ve told others, and they didn’t take it well, and have made me feel like a pariah. But it is what it is.

And the fact of the matter is, the info is Public Record and can be looked up at anytime, and there are those emails I shared with others. So it could surface.

Instead of letting it just surface one day, I’m going to put it out here right now.

Lisa beat the breast cancer. We whipped it. It was in full remission.

But she never got over her Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. Both are issues the Psychiatrist diagnosed her with.

He put her on Prestig, Xanax, and Restoril (sp?).

Both our families are estranged, and she could never get her Mom or kids to talk to her no matter how hard she tried. Nicole did come around every so often, and was back the last three weeks, but they were fighting all the time.

I worked so much.

Lisa was a stay at home housewife with no family and no friends.

It was just us. And she tried SO hard to reach out to Nicole and her family, but it always ended in a fight.

The new pills, Prestig, seemed to affect her in a weird way. She was always so zombified. She tried to battle that with wine and beer, but that didn’t help at all and only made matters worse.

In the end, she had one last phone call with Nicole at 11:27 PM and then walked out the door while I was working on the computer. I was installing a new POP3 email client for work. I finished, and I went outside to sit with her.

I found her hanging from the support railing of the porch. She hung herself with a braided leather belt.

I tried CPR, mouth-to-mouth, chest pumps, I called 911. They tried breathing tubes and shock treatment.

It was too late.

Lisa committed suicide.

She has finally found the peace that so eluded her in life. I miss her dearly.

I didn’t want to tell anyone this because I know religion and personal beliefs can cause you to think less of a person, but Lisa was stellar! She just had an issue I couldn’t fix and that we never found the right professional help for. The pills only made it worse, and I should have never let her drink while taking them.

I do blame myself. There is so much I could have done differently.

But that is not the issue.

I just wanted to “come clean”. Other members have told me they have been getting strange messages about this, and most believe Lisa’s death was related to her cancer. I NEVER intimated that. I never said that. We BEAT the cancer!!!!

We just never beat her clinical depression.

I’m sorry if anyone here feels I’ve mislead you.

I’m offering the truth here and now because I am NOT ashamed of it. Lisa was a beautiful person and had the biggest heart in the world. She just had some issues that weighed her down, and in the end, she stopped fighting.

I’m saying this now because I don’t want it thrown in my face later. A “friend” of mine used to visit here, and when I told them the truth, they told me “BYE” and they were leaving the internet. That hurt.

But my Mom has been riding my azz saying I should NEVER lie about it. So………here we are.

Lisa succumbed to depression, and with a lethal mix of Prestig, Xanax, and wine, she stepped into a noose made from a braided leather belt.

I found her. I picked her up and pulled her down with my own two arms. I tried CPR. I breathed into her with all I had.

But it was just her time.

So there.

Now everyone knows.

If you want to think less of me or Lisa, or have nothing to do with me, I understand.

I just want to be honest with you all lest any crap get started down the road.

So now you all know.

I’d like to ask that you don’t think any less of her, but really, that is your prerogative. I’ll always know she was a great, loving, caring, and beautiful person. She just stumbled and didn’t have the strength to get back up this time.
 

UncleRalph

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I know I don't pop in often, but I am not sure how I missed this. . .I am SO sorry, Ketlin. There are no words that can console in a time like this, but I am so sorry for your loss.

I am also sorry for the personal struggles, and challenges that everything must have put onto the relationship.

I can tell you, first hand, that the "drugs" are a double edge sword. . .I am facing my own battles, and the side effects out weight the sickness, imo.

I am just sorry. No one should have to go through this series of events.
 
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Keltin

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I know I don't pop in often, but I am not sure how I missed this. . .I am SO sorry, Ketlin. There are no words that can console in a time like this, but I am so sorry for your loss.

I am also sorry for the personal struggles, and challenges that everything must have put onto the relationship.

I can tell you, first hand, that the "drugs" are a double edge sword. . .I am facing my own battles, and the side effects out weight the sickness, imo.

I am just sorry. No one should have to go through this series of events.

Thank you UncleRalph. It means a lot to me.

I know you are struggling with your own problems, yet you reach out to me and Lisa.

You are a wonderful soul. Thank you so much.

If there is anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate! I mean that!!!

Thank you!

--Chris
 

Sass Muffin

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A “friend” of mine used to visit here, and when I told them the truth, they told me “BYE” and they were leaving the internet. That hurt.


So there.

Now everyone knows.

If you want to think less of me or Lisa, or have nothing to do with me, I understand.

I just want to be honest with you all lest any crap get started down the road.

So now you all know.
You told me the truth too, over the phone, and it shocked me Keltin and you know it did, because based on what Sage said, it led me to believe she died from a disease.
At this point, it's neither here nor there for me.
This shouldn't drag on.
I don't think you have anything to prove, do you?
You lost Lisa, and that's sad no matter how it happened.
I'd probably put more emotion into it since now, but I have taken a step back.
The hurt destroys me and I think I've done all I can do for you now.
As for the friend member.. well.. we're all human and don't see things in the same way, especially discussing death, never mind suicide.
You should have heeded what I suggested.
This coming clean should have never been mentioned.
Let Lisa rest in peace.
She's gone.
You're still here.
 

BamsBBQ

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hey Bro, when its our time its our time.. no amount of cpr,drugs or whatever will change that. the higher power said it was her time and it was.

the love in your heart for Lisa will never change no matter how or why it happened.

be stong my Brother.
 

Keltin

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You told me the truth too, over the phone, and it shocked me Keltin and you know it did, because based on what Sage said, it led me to believe she died from a disease.
At this point, it's neither here nor there for me.
This shouldn't drag on.
I don't think you have anything to prove, do you?
You lost Lisa, and that's sad no matter how it happened.
I'd probably put more emotion into it since now, but I have taken a step back.
The hurt destroys me and I think I've done all I can do for you now.
As for the friend member.. well.. we're all human and don't see things in the same way, especially discussing death, never mind suicide.
You should have heeded what I suggested.
This coming clean should have never been mentioned.
Let Lisa rest in peace.
She's gone.
You're still here.

Thanks Sass.

You said you were getting strange messages.

You said you thought Doc knew.

You said you thought others knew more than I was admitting to.

I just don’t want crap started is all.

I’ve NOTHING to be ashamed about.

Lisa was a beautiful and loving person.

If ANYONE has a problem with what happened, then it is their problem.

But honestly. Your PMs and emails scared me, and I didn’t want a sudden explosion later on. So here I am coming clean. And I am not ashamed. She will always be a beautiful person no matter what is said here or in email or in PMs.
 

Keltin

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hey Bro, when its our time its our time.. no amount of cpr,drugs or whatever will change that. the higher power said it was her time and it was.

the love in your heart for Lisa will never change no matter how or why it happened.

be stong my Brother.


Thank you brother!
 

Sass Muffin

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But honestly. Your PMs and emails scared me, and I didn’t want a sudden explosion later on. So here I am coming clean. And I am not ashamed. She will always be a beautiful person no matter what is said here or in email or in PMs.
I didn't send you any PMs.
We only exchanged email.
You have no reason to be ashamed.
And no, I am not interested in what you know who had to say about it all, or why she left the forum after you spoke to her.

I am sensing this turning into something that it shouldn't be, so I'll take the advice of a friend as well.
I should have never gotten my heart involved.
All the best Keltin.
You take care of you.
 

Keltin

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I didn't send you any PMs.
We only exchanged email.
You have no reason to be ashamed.
And no, I am not interested in what you know who had to say about it all, or why she left the forum after you spoke to her.

I am sensing this turning into something that it shouldn't be, so I'll take the advice of a friend as well.
I should have never gotten my heart involved.
All the best Keltin.
You take care of you.

Thank you Sass.

I only told the truth tonight because:

1. My Mom is riding me about it - she hates lies
2. Other members knew, so I didn’t want an explosion later
3. I’m coming to terms, and I am not ashamed

It is what it is, and I’m coping. The truth is now out there for all.

Lisa was a beautiful person, and she taught me a lot.

I still ask that all of you look to your loved ones and give them an extra hug and say I Love you a few more times. It never gets old. Do it a lot!!! Love each other! Life is shorter than we think! Seize it with love and passion!!!
 

goatherder

New member
Keltin, I am so sorry for you and for Lisa. She seemed like a wonderful person. I am finding comfort in the phrase that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. You were truely blessed to have had Lisa in your life.

There are many things that are common to grieving people, and blaming themselves is one of them. You are not to blame. Really, no one is to blame. I hope you can come to understand that.

I am so sorry.
 

Doc

Administrator
Staff member
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Damn. :eek: I'm shocked. I had no idea. Suicide is tougher to deal with for those left behind. I am sure not a doctor so I choose not to share what I 'think' might help, as it might hurt more than help.

Hang in there Keltin. Your mama was right. Get it off your chest. Coming clean was the right thing to do, it would have got out eventually and it would cause behind the scenes talk if one or two knew and others didn't. Good move.
 

QSis

Grill Master
Staff member
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What Doc said.

Keeping things bottled up adds more stress, and you have enough to handle already.

I cannot even imagine what you went through and continue to go through. I'm so very sorry, Chris.

Lee
 
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