Here's the description of one of the Bags of Crap I've been fortunate enough to buy. Actually, they are all just like this.
by
Wootbot on
June 1, 2007 at
3:27 PM
Order THREE, just like in olden times!
That’s right. We’ve changed our minds again. For this Bag O’Crap, you’ll need to tell us you want THREE craps in your ONE bag, or suffer the scorn and pity of your peers. Why the change? Because it pleases us. That is all.
As usual, you’d be way better off not wasting even a pittance like $8 on this junk. To call it garbage is an insult to honest, hard-working garbage, because you can’t even put this stuff on your compost pile. Probably the most valuable thing in your BOC will be the box it’s shipped in. The Bag O’Crap is essentially a legal way for us to steal your money. If this hasn’t been enough to dissuade you, if you simply must press on despite all your more sensible instincts, remember:
1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOU’LL GET ONE BAG WITH (up to) THREE CRAPS IN IT.
2. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELECTING THE QUANTITY OF THREE WHEN YOU ORDER.
3. YOU WILL WASTE FREIGHT IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE.
Let’s review. One bag. However many craps you choose, up to three. So make it three. That’s THREE! 3! Tres! Drei! San! Trois!
If you temporarily forget your numbers and you inadvertently select less than three, you can try emailing
service@woot.com. Once they’re finished laughing at you, perhaps they’ll amend your order. Perhaps not. They’re unpredictable. If you’re lucky, you’ll get three pieces of crap instead of one. Whoopee. Sometimes more isn’t better.
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.