Losing A Spouse

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
I was going to put this in Keltin's thread about losing Lisa, but figured it wouldn't be the best idea.
I just spoke to Chris and his words ripped at my heartstrings because I know exactly what he's feeling like right now.

When you lose a spouse, whether it's expected or not.. the hurt is just the same.
You feel broken and lost.. and even angry.
They are with you 24/7.. other family members aren't as a rule.
A spouse is a friend, confidant, lover,child (at times) they are everything all rolled into one.
When they are gone you feel like you have no reason to carry on.
After I lost my Steven, I slept on the floor of the living room in front of the fireplace for months, until his Father came from Lacashire to stay with me and get me back on track.
I rejected social friends and neighbours and became somewhat of a hermit.

Since I was living in England, my US family members weren't there.. phone calls and emails were the only communication I had with them, until I felt like flying back to the states and spending a month at "home" in Ohio thru Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Eventually I decided to move back here a year later.

Grief is a strange thing, and there are stages.
I seemed to have gone through them in an order that isn't considered normal, but I did go through it and got through it all, and Chris will too.

Losing loved ones isn't something I have suffered gracefully or bravely, although some seem to think I have.
I still weep for my Mom when I need her (that too shall pass).

Chris will weep for Lisa for a long time, but he will get used to being on his own with the help of friends and having his pets to cuddle at night.

Time heals all wounds- it surely does.
 

Deelady

New member
Hugs to you Sass on this post.....{{{{ }}}}

I cannot even fathom the feeling of loss it would be....losing a family member is one thing, even if it is a close family member, but to lose your second half.....I shudder at the thought.
 

Biskit

New member
Sass, the grieving process has stages, but, there's no set progression. I watched my DW go through it after the loss of her son. Good days, bad days. frustration at the setbacks. Many times the process is two steps forward, one back, two forward, three back, two forward, two more forward, one back. You know how it goes. The grieving person often becomes angry at themselves because they're not healing as fast as they think they should. There is no clock or calendar to the process as you well know. Chris will learn this too.
 

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
Sass, the grieving process has stages, but, there's no set progression. I watched my DW go through it after the loss of her son. Good days, bad days. frustration at the setbacks. Many times the process is two steps forward, one back, two forward, three back, two forward, two more forward, one back. You know how it goes. The grieving person often becomes angry at themselves because they're not healing as fast as they think they should. There is no clock or calendar to the process

I know you did Monte.
Thank you for this post.

I think it took me about 3 years to actually come to terms with Steven being gone from my life.
I did a lot of strange things within that time too.
A person suffering such a loss does some mighty weird shit... or at least I did.
Anger was the last thing I felt, and I took it out on his ex-wife who eventually became my best friend, believe it or not.
I'd thought I had come to a resolve, but the anger toward her was where the healing came in most of all.
I still talk to her occasionally via yahoo messenger.
 

luvs

'lil Chef
Gold Site Supporter
i couldn't understand, lollie, the loss of a spouse @ this time as i've dated jake fer a mere 12-ish years, intermittently & weren't married; & though that aches, is incomparable' tho to loss of a life/soul mate.
after my dear; beloved Grandpap said his last 'good night' to us. God, i'm weeping now, thinking of him, of yinz, it crushes my heart....... how it aches to finally watch them get put to final sleep. an ache unlike so many petty things we considers 'aches-'
 
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