NCT Posting Policies

[Fisher's Mom]

It's been a little over a year since NCT had it's big "growth spurt", and since then we've had a lot of fun and a few growing pains, too. Something I personally appreciate very much is that Doc wants to meet the needs and wants of the members with as few restrictions as possible. But like any close-knit group, we don't always agree with each other.

We are seeing members not posting as much, or even leaving, because of uncivil comments. Most of us have a lot of time invested in NCT, so when disagreements come up, it can be very hurtful. If you feel a lady at the store was a little rude or dismissive to you, it really isn't a big deal, right? But if someone you know and respect does the same thing - it really hurts and it is hard to ignore.

The question is how to deal with this. As much as we all value being free to post whatever we want (within the few guidelines of the forum), it also requires us to be extra careful of each other's feelings. When there is a lively discussion going on, it's natural for differences of opinion to occur. I actually enjoy it because it's allowed me to see things from a different perspective more than once. But there have also been posts that went past polite disagreement.

I can honestly say that none of the mods at NCT enjoys censoring or warning or "moderating" a fellow member. I can also say that Doc is loathe to do any of those things either. On the other hand, it is our responsibility to step in before things get really ugly, if at all possible. Sometimes we manage it before any damage is done. Other times, there are still hurt feelings. We try to be fair and handle things politely and discretely, without causing embarrassment to anyone. But still, when posts must be edited or removed or threads closed, there are often bruised feelings.

The best way to avoid this is for each of us to remain respectful of other members, even when we don't agree with them. That means that we must take extra care when posting an opposing point of view. And if someone gets carried away and becomes disrespectful, the best response is to report the post. It is confidential, only seen by the staff, and helps us avoid action like deleting posts or closing threads.

We have been slow to take action in the past, preferring to try and let members resolve things themselves, if at all possible. That has been out of respect to the members here. However, we are thinking that there needs to be a quicker response now, based on input from members. After much discussion, we have decided it will be better for the site to immediately pull any posts that contain personal attacks or are uncivil. We will then PM the author, telling them why the action was taken and offering them the opportunity to edit their post, if at all possible. As always, if you feel we have made a mistake, we encourage you to make us aware of this. But if a member persists in offending posts, even after being asked by the staff to stop, there will be a short, cooling-off period in which the member will not have posting privileges.We hope this will help keep NCT a place where all members feel safe in discussing almost anything in an open and friendly manner.

[SilverSage]

Thank you.

[RobsanX]

We will then PM the author, telling them why the action was taken and offering them the opportunity to edit their post, if at all possible.

<checks PM's> :whew!: :whistling:

Seriously though. I haven't seen any members here that couldn't get along with anybody else. It may be the case that someone can't get along with one or two people. If you are thinking of leaving because of that, please reconsider, and think of the folks who consider you to be a friend, even though you may not know it.

[QSis]

Karma to you, Rob - nicely said!

Lee

[Sass Muffin]

Thanks :)

[buckytom]

is ok to think that certain people are just a-holes, and that you'll never change them so why let them bother you enough that you leave, permanently? :whistle:

[Newnork1978]

Great idea! :clap:

[Mama]

I think this is a great idea too.

You're right BT, no one will ever change them but you can't just let a-holes run rampant just because everyone should know they are a-holes. Not only have they and will they continue to run members off but what kind of message are we sending to potentially new members? If they insist on being a-holes, maybe they are the ones who need leave.

[buckytom]

geez, alright already. i'm going mama. stop pushing... :mrgreen:

lol, of course there's a need for moderation. i wasn't really referring to that. i only meant about why people leave.

[Biskit]

One problem I have noted in other forums and message boards is, just as much as what is posted out in the open, the behind-the-scenes sh*t that goes on. Because of the PM features, members trading email addys and other personal contact genres, there is, sometimes, a certain amount of backstabbing and campaigning among members against another member. That is just as damaging as what is posted in public view. I'm not pointing at this forum or any of its members here, I'm just stating a point of view which I intend to remind each of us to be as careful what we say in private as much as in public. :wink:

[Sass Muffin]

One problem I have noted in other forums and message boards is, just as much as what is posted out in the open, the behind-the-scenes sh*t that goes on. Because of the PM features, members trading email addys and other personal contact genres, there is, sometimes, a certain amount of backstabbing and campaigning among members against another member. That is just as damaging as what is posted in public view. I'm not pointing at this forum or any of its members here, I'm just stating a point of view which I intend to remind each of us to be as careful what we say in private as much as in public. :wink:
That's the whole ball of wax, right there.

[buckytom]

people talk about me in pm's?


cool, what do they say?

[buzzard767]

is ok to think that certain people are just a-holes, and that you'll never change them so why let them bother you enough that you leave, permanently? :whistle:

I would like to believe everyone could have your attitude but it isn't working that way. Our short history has taught us that everything is okay with member X until he or she is targeted by a post interpreted as offensive and the next thing you know the moderators are requested to heal the wound. The moderators get together and decide, as has happened in many instances, to let it go and see if reasonable people can work out their problem. What we have learned is that often there is no rectification, someone remains hurt, and the next thing you know they're gone. I can come up with at least three dozen names of really good people who have disappeared from the NCT radar over the last twelve months because of same.

People are obviously free to come and go. However, in the future, the staff will be more diligent in dealing with rules offenders.

Here's the NCT rule that has been most often violated:

Personal attacks and flames targeted toward other members, moderators, or anyone visiting the forum are NOT TOLERATED. Violations include, but are not limited to, posts containing racial, ethnic, or sexual slur, offensive language, insults towards one’s abilities, attacks on personal beliefs or opinions, etc.

[buckytom]

so, when people leave for good because of some stupid arguement, does that mean that all of the supposed friendship that they offered was just bullship? seems to me it makes them kinda shallow.

i don't think i need to name names. i hope they're reading this. bunch of whiners and wounded ducks.

i've had crap irritate me, but in my old age i've learned that it's almost always a two way street, that i need to reflect on my own part of it, or at least why i'm being offended by it. so, i take a little time away until it matters less, then come back with new material, and stories, and food cravings.

[ChowderMan]

>>I can come up with at least three dozen names of really good people who have disappeared from the NCT radar over the last twelve months because of same.

so that's a dozen good guys lost because of how many bad guys?
what's the math say?

food fights don't belong in public.
no, not everyone is going to agree on everything.
no, moderators are not playground referees
no, members should not be tasked to report objectionable posts - there are X sections and Y moderators and if the whole blinking board is not being read in a timely fashion by moderators, that's a problem that should not be foisted onto members, imho

objectionable "schufft" happens in a number of flavors:
- spam, pseduo spam ("gosh that looks delicious, here's my web site!")- any questions about that?
- the one off obnoxious post - often from a newbie - potentially posted just to garner a the reaction - check the posting IP - not unheard of for an insulted member to invent a new screen name and go gunning

and the most difficult evolution:
- the slowly evolving "discussion" of disagreeing parties where somebody finally loses it - typically via every increasing edgy comments from one party or the other.

so when a thread has to be moved, in whole or part, move _all_ of _all parties_ "tending to offensive" messages - failure to excise _all_ the BS is when people really get their noses out of joint. "You deleted mine but their post xxxyyyzzz . . ." it's not like the offender(s) or the offendee(s) are completely oblivious to the situation.

otherwise "the management" is perceived as playing favorites.

eventually the idiots / un-respectful / un-able to get along types do go away or get banned, but the question is how many other members bail out due to the wild west nature they observe in the meanwhile.

[TexasGirl]

I don't stay around much cuz you're all too mean...........
Just kidding. I have issues outside of NCT and just can't get on here as much, wish I could though. The only trouble that matters to me was with VB for past problems and we were both grown up enough to admit we were wrong and get past it. We are good now and I wouldn't have it any other way. For the ones that just can't do this, I feel sorry for them. Some people are just mean, period. We just have to weed them out and know they are the ones to ignore and stay away from. I have had my feelings hurt, but, I love this place and I'm not going to leave it permanently because of it. I'll just sick FM on 'em, lol

[buckytom]

i hate to mention it, but a lot of this was predicted to happen by the mods and members of another site that should remain unnamed. some of those 36 or so people who have left here left other sites (or were banned) because they just can't seem to get along with others online, or get offended very easily and were quick to start fights.

you either need too grow a thick skin, or a tender heart that is open for both humilty and reconcilliation to be able to get along.
or maybe everyone need some of both.

[buzzard767]

BT - not everyone shares your skin thickness.

Chowder - You got it right. That's what the members and the staff are dealing with. There will be less tolerance with offensive posts. Re: checking IP's.... for example, I alone have banned at least a half dozen "new members" in the last couple of weeks. The spam never ends, but the members probably see less than ten percent of it. Just so you know....

The informational point of this thread is to let it be known that certain types of posts will be handled differently, starting today.

[buckytom]

well, i have to hand it to you guys. i'm here very often, and i haven't seen any of the pseudo-spammers and malcontented newbies. so, well done.
:applause:

(will that get me off the sh!t list?)

[buzzard767]

(will that get me off the sh!t list?)

We call it a hit list.

j/k BT. :)

[Kimchee]

All I ask is that if a thread is closed, or posts removed, PLEASE use it as a teaching moment.
Don't just "disappear" the offense. Remove it, but leave an explanation of WHY and the relevant rule that was broken.
Otherwise, things just go poof, no one ever knows why, and nothing is learned from it.....
and, it is very very frustrating. ;)

[TexasGirl]

Very good point Kimchee!!

[Lefty]

All I ask is that if a thread is closed, or posts removed, PLEASE use it as a teaching moment.
Don't just "disappear" the offense. Remove it, but leave an explanation of WHY and the relevant rule that was broken.
Otherwise, things just go poof, no one ever knows why, and nothing is learned from it.....
and, it is very very frustrating. ;)
That is a reasonable request.

[joec]

By the way folks I'm not missing from anything done to me by anyone here. Just at the moment I have a few other interests going on the least of which is my wife and job, you all know real life. I sure haven't lost interest in cooking just don't have the time doing both my job and the wife's while she recovers.

[ChowderMan]

>>That is a reasonable request.

not so sure about that.

if one never saw/read the objectioned post, one would never know about it.

if any upstanding member has seen/read the post, they prolly already know things are not going well.

"closing" a thread to further posts due to objectionable content -
... does that not miss the whole point? too little, too late, etc....

I would suggest the judgment of moderators/management not be subject to public discussion.

post(s) all gone - let's not insist on an allowable debate as to whether "the moderator's" given reasons were right or wrong, justified, unjustified, too harsh, too easy, too quick, not quick enough - all it does it put the moderator up as a substitute target for the a**hole poster.

[SilverSage]

I would suggest the judgment of moderators/management not be subject to public discussion.

post(s) all gone - let's not insist on an allowable debate as to whether "the moderator's" given reasons were right or wrong, justified, unjustified, too harsh, too easy, too quick, not quick enough - all it does it put the moderator up as a substitute target for the a**hole poster.

:agree:

It's appropriate for the mods to privately explain to the offender. It's not appropriate for the mods to be subject to all of the debate that continually goes on here. This thread is a good example. They made a decision. They informed us. We're debating not only its value, but the details of its implementation, ad nauseam.

[Fisher's Mom]

Awww - you guys are the best. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this and to give us your thoughts and reactions.

I hope I didn't leave the impression that the mods are going to start a post-pulling frenzy. We just wanted to give you the heads up that we'll be acting much faster now when confronted with an uncivil post. We may make mistakes sometimes and I hope you'll let us know when we do and let us try to fix it. (Really, by my count, there is only one a-hole in the entire NCT staff! LOL j/k)

[Fisher's Mom]

a tender heart that is open for both humilty and reconciliationAhhh -- you made me cry with this one, BT. What a wonderful world this would be if our hearts were all a little more tender!

[Biskit]

This thread has grown legs! The reason I mentioned the behind-the-scenes action is because I have been a witness to some of it in my years of online communities.
So, I will state emphatically that until a member of this or any other forum openly attacks me, or, says something about me, so that there is no doubt that they did these actions, everybody's okay with me.
I will not tolerate anyone coming to me by email or pm and trying to punch holes in another member's boat. Pure and simple.
Lotsa good folks here. They all deserve the benefit of the doubt. I hope that everyone else can make the same promise.
I have more to say on this subject, but won't for the moment. If you wouldn't say something to someone's face, don't say it in post, pm, or any other "faceless" means.
The mods are doing a good job, but a hard one. No matter how they decide to handle a situation or situations, someone's not going to agree with it. Man up, people! If you're not directly in the middle of it, it's of no consequence to you.
Now, let the fun re commence! :clap:

[BreezyCooking]

Personally, I think people really need to get a grip on their lives. I mean, really. Think about it. This is an internet board. That's it. It's not going to affect your lives in any way, shape, or form in the "real" world. Why get so worked up about it?

I disagree with people & they disagree with me all the time, yet on all the boards I frequent, I can count on the fingers of less than one hand how many times I've "reported" a post. I just don't get that worked up over someone who doesn't agree with me - even if that disagreement is vehement. I just don't. Yet I've experienced people who feel the need to report posts if you say you like yellow tulips instead of red. Go figure.

[Sass Muffin]

It wasn't until fairly recently that I decided to just let stuff go Breezy.

A lesson learned on one of Doc's other forums, as well as here actually (a while ago).
It doesn't have so much to do with posting nasty things toward other members, as it does/did knowing what surprises go on behind the scenes.

I am a very passionate person, no doubt in every way emotionally.
That shows in my posts when I am happy or riled up.

It's not worth getting pissed or upset over what someone says on a board.

I came here because I was invited. The recipes are fun, the foodie pics are awesome, the laughs are great. You have to use your own judgement if you are going to risk the wrath after hitting submit.
That goes for PM, VM or any post made on the board.
I miss a lot of members, others I couldn't care less, now that I've come to feel the way I do.
The End.:heart:

[vyapti]

so, when people leave for good because of some stupid arguement, does that mean that all of the supposed friendship that they offered was just bullship? seems to me it makes them kinda shallow.
Sometimes its just easier being somewhere else. Friendships or not, most people (I assume) aren't here to get worked up. I've seen a few instances where a quick "get back across the line" could have halted escalation. Even when I'm not personally involved, I don't want to be reading personal attacks.

i hate to mention it, but a lot of this was predicted to happen by the mods and members of another site that should remain unnamed. some of those 36 or so people who have left here left other sites (or were banned) because they just can't seem to get along with others online, or get offended very easily and were quick to start fights.

you either need too grow a thick skin, or a tender heart that is open for both humilty and reconcilliation to be able to get along.
or maybe everyone need some of both.
That other board moderated content. You'd get nailed if you disagree with them or if you were on the wrong side of a click. I would truly hope that nothing like that happened here.

All I ask is that if a thread is closed, or posts removed, PLEASE use it as a teaching moment.
Don't just "disappear" the offense. ;)
I agree. Otherwise it feels a little Orson Wells-ish and you're left wondering what's going on.

[buckytom]

that's it, i'm leaving.

even the peaceful tree huggers are attacking me. what is this world coming to???

;)

[Fisher's Mom]

That other board moderated content. I'm sooooo glad you mentioned this, vyapti. We are not changing any policies regarding content. There has been a lot of staff discussion about ensuring this. We still have a no debate policy, but members are free to post on pretty much any topic. Thankfully, everyone has been very responsible about using the Back Room for adult or potentially volatile topics.

[JoeV]

i hate to mention it, but a lot of this was predicted to happen by the mods and members of another site that should remain unnamed. some of those 36 or so people who have left here left other sites (or were banned) because they just can't seem to get along with others online, or get offended very easily and were quick to start fights.

you either need too grow a thick skin, or a tender heart that is open for both humilty and reconcilliation to be able to get along.
or maybe everyone need some of both.

BT, old buddy, you really do have a unique outlook on things. I have a pretty thick skin, as those on FF will attest to, but when it comes to NCT I don't have "the gloves on" when posting here. If someone want to play the village idiot or the know-it-all at the expense of someone else, then I for one am not going to hang around and take abuse from people like that. Some people think that their contributions to the site give them license to get away with abusing others, and frankly, that has been overlooked in the past. If that is allowed to happen, then a clear message has been sent by that action or inaction on behalf of the admins & mods.

There are many other options for places to hang out, and this has nothing to do with the friendships made here. It's about the freedom to just relax and have a good time, without chest thumping or abuse by other members. Are they always going to be there? You bet. But there are always new forums popping up and existing ones that could use some help. Many of us who don't post much here any longer have found some other sites where we have bumped into each other, but as far as I know, nobody has sent out PMs or e-mails for anyone to follow us. That's not the way most of us operate, and Doc has been too good to us for us to do that to him.

Don't look down your nose at us, BT, until you've spent some time in our shoes, and don't think we cherished leaving either.

[Doc]

Joe & all,
This thread is about our changing / adapting to better moderate so that we have a more open & friendly forum. The typed word can be taken the wrong way so easily. I did not take BT's post to be talking down to anyone. We all hate for anyone to leave because of hurt feelings.

When someone posts what they think is a helpful post and someone else takes it as them playing a know it all ...it is a no win situation at that point. Someone will not be happy either because they were moderated or because the other person thinks they should have been moderated and we did not act. It's a very fine line and so easy to upset someone with action or inaction.

Our goal is to make this a fun place to hang out for all. We will strive to do our best to make that the case, but understand we are not perfect. Please bare with us when we miss something, and help us by communicating your point of view to the staff so that we can act or explain why things went down as they did.

Thanks for understanding, and please work with us to help make this a better place for all.

[Fisher's Mom]

I didn't take BT's post to be pointing fingers at anyone, either. I thought we were all just discussing changes to the site to make it even better.

Joe, you have been vocal about the issues you have with the NCT, which we seriously appreciate and have been part of our discussions. Of course there are other sites. Most of us came from another site. Most of us post at other sites, too, though they may not be other cooking sites.

As far as I know, Doc doesn't make decisions about NCT based upon keeping people from posting on other sites. If someone prefers another site because of the moderation or whatever, then that's where they should be and we wish them well. This is about members leaving or posting less frequently because of uncivil remarks - we don't want members feeling hurt or bullied while here and we are trying to address this. We want people to feel free to express their opinion without having pot shots taken at them.

[Mama]

What I have gathered since I have been at NCT is that this forum is far from perfect...but then so is every other forum out there. Do things happen here that piss me off? Yep...sure do. But, I have also noticed that Doc and the moderators really seem to be trying to make this the best forum possible. Take for instance this very thread...they have taken notice that there is a big problem and they are taking steps to try to fix it in the least intrusive way possible...they have even allowed our input in the matter...how many other forums out there have you seen do that.

It looks to me like the NCT crew seems to be trying to cater to us. Other forums tell you like it is and that's that...there is no discussion...here we are made to feel like we can speak our mind...as long as we don't get ugly. That's one the biggest things that draws me back to this place even when I get mad and feel the need to leave for a while.

I really believe that they are trying to make NCT the best it can be. Are they going to make mistakes? Sure, but so will the rest of us...after all, we're all human and we also all live in glass houses.

I would like to commend the staff here for the difficult job they do...I darn sure wouldn't want to do it. :applause:

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll107/katco12/P3140550-2.jpg

[QSis]

Wow, Mama!

Thank you so very much!

:wub: :flowers:

Lee

[Doc]

Thanks Mama, oh wise one!!!!! :thumb: :tiphat:

[Cooksie]

I would like to commend the staff here for the difficult job they do...I darn sure wouldn't want to do it. :applause:



I'll second that.

[Adillo303]

Thank you very much Mama. I would also like to thank all of the forum members. NCT is about all of you, not about the staff.

I thank you all for the knowledge you have shared with me, which has enabled me to put a better meal on the table.

I thank you for the support that you have given me when I need it.

Oh!And Mama, may I please have some of that cornbread? I screwed up St. Patties dinner and I am a bit hungry.

[Mama]

Of course you can have some cornbread Andy. What happened to your dinner?

[Adillo303]

I always put beer in the corned beef, I always use the same recipe, I always get rave reviews.

THIS YEAR I hadda go think about it. Use Guinness sez I, It's Irish (I usually use something like Samuel Adams, something a little dark, not a stout) Even found a new recipe (Rule #1 - Never try a new recipe for company). Needless top say it didn't all taste right, company was late, Corned beef was overdone. DW found a way to turn my Kitchen Aid into a splatter painter when making the soda bread. Instead of locking the tilt, she hit the speed all the way up. You guessed it, the head tilted on full speed, each revolution taking a bit more batter and flinging it all over the kitchen. She quickly reached for the control and bumped the open quart of buttermilk by accident. That got everything the mixer missed. That about sums it up. Oops forgot, one and a half couples (Out of 2) backed out.

On the bright side, the one that showed was my stepdaughter, who brought our new 4 month old Granddaughter.

[Cooksie]

DW found a way to turn my Kitchen Aid into a splatter painter when making the soda bread. INstead of locking the tilt, she hit the speed all the way up. You guessed it, the head tilted on full speed, each revolution taking a bit more batter and flinging it all over the kitchen. She quickly reached for the control and bumped the open quart of buttermilk by accident. That got everything the mixer missed.

:lol: That's happened to the best of us. Give her a hug and get the cleaning supplies out.

[Adillo303]

Did the hug. Bear & Liam conquer everything below counter level.

[Mama]

Look on the bright side....one day it will be funny.

It was all worth it though, if you got to see your new granddaughter. Got any pics?

[Adillo303]

Got any pics?

None from today, We get one nearly every day. I will try to post some tomorrow.

[Mama]

This is a prime example of another thing that I like about this forum. The thread takes on a life of its own and wanders just like conversations do in real life and you don't have to worry about being reprimanded for it. I know that it may bother some folks when people go off on a tangent but I think it makes us all connect better when we aren't limited to what we can talk about in any particular thread.

[Deelady]

First I want to agree on the fact that the Mods and Doc do one hell of a job here! Your work and devotion to make NCT a home away from home does not go unnoticed or unappreciated! So thanks guys and gals for all you do for us!! <3

And bestill my heart... but I agree with Bucky on his advice of needing a combination of thick skin and a tender heart when you are choosing to socialize online. Everyone cannot be catered to completely, there will ALWAYS be things we disagree on. Accept it and move on. Life is much too short to dwell on the little things...and if you feel like it is not a little thing, maybe you should take a little time off to reflect, and 9 times out of 10 I bet it will become a little thing in due time.

I have met some AMAZING people on this site and had I allowed small trivial issues get in the way and cause me to leave, I would have missed out....and no one else. If you do not have patience in life for others around you, then YOU are the one to get the grey hairs ;)

Love you guys!!:respect:

[Maverick2272]

A couple of things I am proud to say as a former Mod that none of us ever did ( and Doc would NEVER allow):
Installing a hack that would allow us to keep a member from logging on.
Installing a hack that would allow us to read peoples PM's

There is no way for us to read others PM's, and we were always happy to keep it that way. We respected everyone's privacy even though there was a lot of rumors flying around about behind the scenes shenanigans.

As for moderating posts, it is a thin line and someone always goes away mad. As the saying goes, you can't please all of the people all of the time, but you can please some of the people some of the time. We always tried our best to hold discussions prior to taking action so as to get as many different views on the table as possible. However, sometimes there is only one Mod around, so they are forced to take action on their own which is then reviewed by other Mods for input when they log on. We should all take this into consideration when a thread is moderated and have understand for how difficult things can be for a Mod when they are alone on the site.

We never, ever, played favorites and no one ever got special consideration because of any contributions to the site. We always tried to treat everyone with the same dignity and respect we would want for ourselves. Action is only taken when there is proof positive of an infraction, never based on rumors. Even when action is called for, there is always consideration taken into account concerning the persons feelings and how they make take being moderated. Plus there is the fact that we always allow discussion with the person over the action being taken.

These are just some of the things that I have not seen other sites ever do, and a big part of why I call NCT home.

That and all the cool people on here that make the forum so much fun and so informative!

[buckytom]

joev, i was going to pm this to you, but then i figured it was ok for the open forum.

i have been in your shoes, so to speak. i left the very first foodie site i frequented because it was controlled by an obvious clique that didn't appreciate much of my humour. i mean, they actually said in so many words that i wasn't welcome anymore, and by whom. the admin was one of them, who even assisted some by giving out me email addy. just a nasty old fart, if you ask me. a few privately said they supported me, then denied it when confronted by the others. before the rooster crowed three times, as it were.

but i left because it became a hassle, not because i was told to, and to this day have felt badly about the "friends" i abandoned. so i understand. i've only been able to keep in touch with one or two of them over the years. again, i do understand why people leave, for the sake of their own sanity. what bugs me is the hipocrisy of all of the lovey dovey friendship crapola that people post, and how quickly they abandon their supposed friends for good when their feathers got ruffled, instead of just taking a break and regrouping their thoughts, putting things in perspective.

i was hoping that by my posts in this thread, some might consider the impermanence of their feelings, and consider that at least part of their discomfort was due to their own take on things. you can only get offended if you allow yourself to be so. also, that people, including themselves, have bad days; some bad weeks or months. in such cases we're bound to run into confrontations and irritating situations.
hopefully, those who have left can see that they have been missed, that water flows quickly under a bridge, and that the friendship that they have offered is still desired by those who are still here.

so sayeth i. :soapbox:

btw, can you get some odor eaters. the smell of yeast is killing me...